I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
