it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Mom said you looked used
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
