dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
