Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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