uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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