How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
