theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
