I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
