are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
