i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
