Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
