Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
