DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
