There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
