I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
