Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
