So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
