I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
