drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
