i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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