he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
