either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
