i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
