yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just found a bag of teeth...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
