Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
