it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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