This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
