ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
