i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
