I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I didn't notice because vodka
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
