They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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