She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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