I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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