I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My bed smells like the plague
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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