No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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