That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
