Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We were destined to go to rehab together
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
