i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i drank out of a bidet.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
