people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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