Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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