i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
