I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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