one two three fourrrrnication!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
