New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
