Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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