CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
