i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
