Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He had one of those small greek statue penises
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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