Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
