If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
