I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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