Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
