I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
