I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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