Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
