Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
