There was a lot of him and a little penis
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
